A CAT CALLED MERLOT

Thursday 12th November 2020

On Saturday, despite lockdown, Gary the builder unveiled Gideon’s “Eco Night Pod”.  Everyone from The Avenue, stood at the end of their driveways, in anticipation. At 12.00 noon, soon to be evicted from the folly in the park, Gideon arrived. He limped down the middle of the road; a giant of a man with twinkling eyes, staring shyly down at his feet. Gary finally came out of his workshop, towing the community-sponsored pod behind him. On the front, he’d painted the face of a whale and down the side of its ultra lightweight body, he’d written “Jonah”. All the residents whistled and clapped as Gideon, overwhelmed, hung his head and wiped his eyes. When we could see the full extent of the pod, it did indeed look like a long, rather fat fish, on bicycle wheels, with a peg fold-away stand at one end, solar panels on the top that resembled a fin and two small portholes either side that looked like ‘eyes’. Inside, was Carol’s book-themed mattress and matching curtains at the windows. While Gideon couldn’t stand up in it, he would, Gary pointed out, be able to sit up and read at night, by the light he’d fitted and keep warm from the heating elements he’d ingeniously incorporated into the shell. Finally, he handed Gideon a thick padlock that would enable him to secure the Pod to lamp-posts or railings. Gideon was sobbing with joy by the end of it and there were few dry eyes in the rest of the road, either. Under normal circumstances, there would doubtless have been humans clinging together all over the place in what they call ‘group hugs’ but due to COVID, I’m pleased to say there was a level of decorum maintained. Queenie, for her part, had to make a quick dash indoors as her mascara had run making her look, according to Marcus, like a member of the 1970’s band, Kiss. 

Lydia, Queenie’s mother has booked her wedding to Suki and she called Queenie on Saturday to ask her to giver her away. Queenie told her brother, Stephen that under normal circumstances she’d be delighted to palm responsibility for their mother onto someone else (yet again). However, she just didn’t think a tick on a bucket list over a macaroni cheese (however well executed) was the best foundation for married life. Stephen wondered if Lydia was going into early dementia to which Queenie replied she’d always been bonkers and age had nothing to do with it. Lydia told Queenie that they had decided to go for a pagan wedding in early January, in case Covid restrictions are still in place, as they can have the ceremony in the forest and pretend the guests are “aimless Ramblers”.

I’ve been seeing quite a bit of Marjorie this week. She’s a very intelligent cat and we can converse on many levels. Yesterday we had a long discussion on fishing quotas. As far as the sea is concerned, I’m pleased to say she’s completely on my wave length!