A CAT CALLED MERLOT

Thursday 19th November 2020

On Saturday I took my new love Marjorie on safari to the park at the end of the road. Despite the awful weather, we found a rather nice, dry place in a clump of bushes and from our hide, spotted several birds, a rather large rat and a demented squirrel. I think we would both admit things are going pretty well for us and we are much better suited than Lola and I ever were. We’ve both talked about past relationships as we think it’s important to get things out in the open. Neither of us are the jealous type but I did have a bit of a wobble when she told me about the big ginger tom she was very attached to, a couple of years ago. I recovered when she told me his name was ‘Vernon’. I mean, it’s impossible to feel threatened by a cat with a name like that, isn’t it? After lots of grooming of fur in the shrubbery, we decamped to Marjorie’s house, which is in the next road to mine. She shares her home with Judith, a rather fussy woman of a certain age, with a fondness for cross-stitch and on-line bingo and a tendency to bore her neighbours into a coma, should she catch them. “It’s amazing,” she told Marjorie, “how everyone is fitness mad these days. The people next door seem to sprint to their car whenever I see them!” Judith’s only relatives live in Sydney but what with the time difference and excuse of terrible internet connection, she has little contact. She is however very kind to Marjorie and it was therefore a shock when we found an ambulance outside the house with Judith strapped to a stretcher, her face partly obscured by an oxygen mask, clutching her large handbag to her chest. It was late when I got home, having stayed with Marjorie until she settled. When I finally got through the cat flap, I found Queenie in bed, reading a book, so I jumped up and head butted her until she put her arm around me and we both fell asleep. 

On Sunday morning, I went back to see how Marjorie was, only to find her in a cat-carrier, being loaded into a car by a strange man and woman. Very worried I made my way home and found Queenie chatting to Hector in his front garden. He was telling her that Judith had been rushed into hospital with breathing difficulties due to COVID and her cat was being taken to the cattery until she was better. At least I think that was what was said. It was difficult to hear as Kiki, Hector’s adopted parrot was squawking, “I want half the dog and the microwave!” For the rest of the day, I stayed at home, feeling powerless.

Without Marjorie, I spent the last few days watching TV. I saw on the news that the British Prime Minister, ‘bursting with antibodies’ (not a good image), had gone into self quarantine again, as he’d been in contact with someone with COVID. He appeared overly enthusiastic about it, if you ask me. Perhaps it’s a way to dodge the Scottish First Minister…