A Cat Called Merlot

Thursday 28th May 2020

The newly opened cat cafe in the next road, called “Mr Mistoffel-Teas”, has imported a dozen homeless cats to live-in and entertain the clients. It’s the feline equivalent, I believe, of a ‘lap dancing club’: Punters pay on the door, choose their favourite and entice them onto their laps with treats, whilst they enjoy a beverage. It’s pure exploitation if you ask me! As I was walking past the other day, I thought I saw a reflection of myself in the window but it turned out to be a mini-me, nose pressed up to the glass, waving madly. I ignored it and walked on, slightly shaken. There’s no way anyone’s going to pin a paternity suit on me! Those days are long gone, since I was abducted and taken to the vet at the Rescue Centre. As I recall, there was no discussion; one minute I was happily populating the area, the next I awoke with a sense of loss, followed by a very nasty shock, when I was having a wash! This evening, the residents of Victoria Avenue go outside once more, at 8pm, to clap the NHS and other key workers, maybe for the last time. As far as the cats around here are concerned, I’d like to make it clear there will be NO applause EVER for vets!

Whilst we’re on a medical theme, I have to tell you I love the doctor’s surgery at the end of the road. There’s always interesting things to listen to, especially during summer. When the weather’s good, the windows are open and I can sit on the sill outside the consulting rooms. Recently, they’ve been doing mainly telephone consultations but on Tuesday, the masked GP had a live patient in the surgery.  After having a prod around, the GP announced she wanted to send him for a CAT scan but there was a long waiting list at the hospital. I was about to knock on the window and offer to run my eyes over him, when the fire alarm went off and everyone got thrown out of the building. After that, the carefully planned one way system fell apart, as there’d been no ‘Social Distancing Evacuation Practice’. SAGE clearly hadn’t written guidance!

The big black and white cat from next door has been winding me up a treat this week. He has no idea of cat protocol and just marches through my garden as though he owns it. I call him ‘Officer Dribble’ as he only has a few teeth and an air of misplaced authority. I found the tooth thing out when I was having a spat with him, during which, I got drenched in saliva and feared I would get gummed to death. He does however have a mean right paw and it left me on a course of antibiotics, shortly after I moved in. I owe him.

Queenie is erm “working from home” and is in the garden. Whilst she’s having a snooze in the sunshine, with her mouth wide open, I take the opportunity to jump onto YOWL and see if I can spot Lola. She claims she’s not been on the App since she met me. However, I have my suspicions she’s not being truthful so I have a quick look, just to put my mind at rest but there she is, bold as you like! Doubtless she’s having a good old swipe left and right. I’m gutted so I jump miserably onto Queenie’s lap, looking for consolation.

If you would like to get automatic notifications when I post my Blog, please click on “Comments” at the top of the page, leave me some feedback and fill in your details. You can easily unsubscribe if I become boring. Thank you!