A CAT CALLED MERLOT

Thursday 1st April 2021

On Wednesday, Hector was working in his garden, clearing the dead leaves and getting his shed ready for spring. I sat on the wall watching, in case mousing skills were required but to my relief, they weren’t. Marjorie came to join me and Hector chatted away to us in the sunshine, while he worked. From where we were sitting, we could see lots of the neighbours out and about and it all felt quite cheerful, if a bit strange. Everywhere had been so quiet for months that we’d all but forgotten what seeing humans in any significant numbers was like but suddenly life was stirring and slowly unfurling, like buds on the trees and shrubs. As usual, the stupid dogs at Number 27 were running around in aimless excitement, disturbing the peace so we went and glared at them from the safety of the shed roof, to give them something to bark about. In response, Maria Bianchi ran out and shouted at us, so suddenly there was a chain reaction of needless noise but it felt just like old times and was quite comforting. 

On Saturday, the Chihuahua at the end of the road was sitting on the pavement, wearing a red bandana with the letters ‘CAC’ on it. Marjorie asked what that stood for and she replied, “Chihuahuas Against Capitalism” and that today she was protesting (snappily) against pet passports. She said it was an infringement of her liberty to have her vaccine information shared. To be honest, if I was her owner, I’d want a holiday without her! “Whatever next?” I said when we were out of earshot, “Liberal Labradors or Socialist Shitzus! Dogs should stick to what they’re good at!”

  “Which is?” Marjorie said, looking baffled.

  “Fetching things!”

Rodney the iguana was on the loose again this week. This time he was found sitting in Gideon’s pod which was parked outside Andrea Delacroix’s house, listening to Classic FM. When Gideon returned from shopping and slid into the pod he found Rodney, very at home under his duvet, tucking into a bunch of grapes. I’ve never seen a man run so fast! Andrea said she was sorry but he’d wandered off when she was busy working on her new novel. Jackie from Number 5 told Wendy from Number 27 that it’s to be called ‘Busted Flush’ and it’s about a plumber with a poker problem. Meanwhile, Jeff from Number 29, still acting like a mad groupie, is continuing to linger outside Andrea’s house to get a glimpse of her and engage her in ‘literary discussion’. His wife Carol said it’s getting beyond a joke and if it continues, he’ll be served an injunction. Only last week he was craning his neck to see in the house, when he tripped over and ended up face down in Andrea’s flower bed. Unfortunately this coincided with her coming out of her front door and he scrambled to his feet and made an excuse, saying he thought he saw an intruder. She just eyed him and said, “It would have to be a very small intruder, wouldn’t it Jeff, as daffodils are only a foot high but perhaps it was one of The Borrowers?” Awkward I think…