A CAT CALLED MERLOT

Thursday 8th April 2021

Last weekend it was Easter, which seems like an excuse for humans to gorge themselves on eggs made of chocolate. On that basis there must, I feel be room for a weekend dedicated to cats getting to eat whatever we want. Queenie would no doubt say that we already have fifty-two weekends, every year, of that…

Michelle, Queenie’s friend telephoned on Monday to say she’d finally managed to get out of her jogging bottoms and get dressed in ‘normal’ clothes, to go to have her vaccination. She also said she couldn’t wait for the next visit as it was just brilliant, free entertainment. What was it about some people she wanted to know, that changed dramatically when they are given a high vis vest and a walkie talkie? Giggling, she related what she’d witnessed outside the Vaccination Centre:

  Voice of young Controller (1) over airway: Hi Stan? (Who was wearing mirror glasses and swaggering across the car park like John Wayne, with his hand hovering above his hip, just waiting to draw his walkie talkie and shoot someone). 

  Stan: Yankie Echo Sierra, Over

  Controller 1: Is that Stan?

  Stan: (Louder) Yankie Echo Sierra. OVER!

Pause

  Controller 1: Stan?!

  Stan: Glaring suspiciously up and down the queue of people, “Whisky Hotel Alpha Tango?”

Sound of Controllers talking to each other over the airway.

  Controller 1 “He’s talking rubbish. Is he drunk?”

  Controller 2 “Why?”

  Controller 1 “He’s rambling on about whisky and hotels!”

  Controller 2  “I dunno…maybe call the supervisor?”

  Controller 1  “I will, I think! Let’s face it, he’s a bit old for volunteering…”

Meanwhile, Stan was maxing out on his new found power and barking at the line of people, “Put your phones away, keep your NHS number to hand, pay attention, keep two meters apart and keep moving!”  

I heard care home visiting is gradually opening up in England. Wendy from Number 27 said she spoke on the telephone to her aunt Dorothy who’s 98, a retired actress and a resident in the Last Gasp Residential Home and she said it was “All well and good letting people in again but they would have to put up with talentless volunteers visiting with guitars and such like, tormenting the residents with musical afternoons!” Wendy said at that age, she supposed you could get away with saying exactly what you thought. 

On the subject of care homes, on Saturday, according to the news, 22 ancient mummies were being paraded through Cairo, on their way to their new home. I’m not sure a parent re-homing pageant is strictly necessary, as there’s never that level of fuss when a cat gets re-homed. We just get a quick introduction, before being shoved in a plastic carrier, whilst hoping for the best!