A CAT CALLED MERLOT

Thursday 6th May 2021

On Friday, Luigi and his gang of seagulls were dumpster-diving in the bins in a seedy alley at the back of the Chinese restaurant in town. They were all fighting, beaks draped with noodles still dripping with the residue of a sauce. The alley is a popular cut through to the High Street but as it looked like a scene out of a Hitchcock film, I decided it was safer to walk round the long way. This meant I had to go past ‘Mr Mistoffel-Teas’ cat cafe which is always a tense experience, in case the young tabby starts his nonsense. Friday was no exception. As I glanced in the window, I saw the cats draped over cat trees and sofas or in cradles attached to the window but there were no customers as the cafe wasn’t allowed to open again for another few weeks, due to COVID. They all looked a bit bored, really. Just as I thought I’d got past without incident, I heard a knocking on the window and I turned and saw the tabby frantically waving at me. I stopped, thinking it might be best just to have this paternal issue out with him, once and for all. He had his pink nose pressed to the window and his green eyes looked pleadingly down at me. For a moment I thought it was my own reflection but it was him mouthing the word “Dad”. He looked so desperate I suddenly felt very sad for him and before I knew it, instead of shaking my head, decisively as usual, I found myself nodding! It was all a bit ridiculous as there was no way I could be his father but would it really matter if I let him think I was? It was clear, the lad wanted a dad. I wasn’t quite sure what to do next so I jumped up on the window ledge and looked at him in what I thought might be a paternal way – sort of authoritative and worldly. He put his paw against the window and I did the same and he asked if I would visit him again soon. Having come this far and with a bit of a lump developing in my throat that made it difficult for me to speak, I agreed. Jumping back down onto the pavement and wandering along the road feeling a little dazed, I tried to work out how I’d only popped out for a stroll and would be returning home having adopted a son! With the burden of unforeseen responsibility weighing heavily on my paws, I thought I’d better go and break the news to Marjorie. It’s funny how life twists and turns, isn’t it?

Jeff from Number 29 isn’t getting a good reception for his proposed midsummer street party he’s named, ‘Hug Your Neighbour’. Queenie said it sounded like a dreadful 1970’s comedy programme. Undeterred at the evident looks of horror, Jeff ploughed on with the arrangements, saying it would be healthy for everyone to have some physical contact once again. To this end, he planned a tactile afternoon of team games, including ‘Pass The Orange Under The Chin’ and ‘Twister’. To date, only Mrs Waters from Number 21 has shown any enthusiasm…